‘Tis the Season

I haven’t written a ‘Tis the Season blog in over four years because I was dazed by my autistic son’s puberty, seizures, and behaviors. But our situation with Josh has greatly improved. (Oh, how I hope I’m not tempting fate.) So I would especially like to thank my blessings this year and give praise to the phrase, “This Too Shall Pass.” I’m happy to say I’m grateful that:

1) Josh and I didn’t fall apart when his twin sister went off to college. (Okay, that’s a lie. I fell apart.) Josh is low-functioning and non-verbal but he has a very high EQ. He senses that his connection with “Sissy” is permanent and unconditional. I wanted her to go to school on another coast so she wouldn’t worry about him so excessively. Her fears wouldn’t be as immediate. But she didn’t fly away, she chose a college close by because after all it was her decision and not mine, etc. I’m secretly thrilled, (okay, not secretly) about her choice.

2) He’ not as aggressive. It could have been his meds, it could have been puberty, but whatever it was he’s not unkind to us anymore. The Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde days are over. (For the most part.) Josh’s sweet, playful personality is back and we can take him out in the community again for extended periods. Especially to restaurants. I’d love to blame my weight gain on him but I’m pretty sure it’s all the cookies and candy I hide in my closet.

3) He still likes me. And not just because I’m Mom and he needs me. He recognized in some intuitive way that I couldn’t handle any extra trauma last year. He had most of his seizures safely at home rather than on the pavement at school. And I wasn’t as stressed when we just sat in his man cave/therapy room together and watched his favorite Teen Nick shows. Over and over and over again. I’ve memorized every single episode of Drake and Josh, Victorious, Zoey101, and iCarly that has ever been produced. I’m going to contact the network and tell them we deserve a frequent viewing card.

4) We have renewed hope about his epilepsy. He might not be a candidate for another brain surgery, but after two seizure labs and guidance from some exceptional neurologists we are exploring new avenues. We might even consider getting Josh a service dog. If our Alpha cat will allow it. Though I’m pretty sure I’ll be the designated dog walker when it’s 5 degrees outside.

5) I had Thanksgiving at my house again. Like other ASD parents I’ve experienced some painful holiday dinners. Two years ago I just leaned over at the table and broke down in front of my guests. All it took was a well-meaning comment from my mother. She had observed Josh going nuts for about two hours. “Shelley, if anyone can handle it honey, you can.” Um, no, not really. It had been an evening of Mr. Hyde. Josh circled the table shrieking, he knocked glasses over, and he chased after me with teeth bared. He took his therapy room apart and couldn’t self-calm. There wasn’t a single minute when everyone was together at the table at the same time. We had to take turns driving him around just so we could eat. At least it wasn’t like the year before when he set off my mother’s burglar alarm between bites of lime jello and green bean casserole. The police officer lectured him on her front lawn. “Son, we don’t set off alarms unless we have to.” (I didn’t tell him Josh had set off two fire alarms the week before.) “Do you understand me?” Um, no, not really. My kid couldn’t stop grinning and I was mortified. (God, how I wish aides worked on holidays.) But it’s okay. I finally learned about wine, and I am truly grateful. Good luck to all of you this holiday season, and may our new year be merry and bright!

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